The Color of a Lie
by SweetXSacrifice
Summary: Sam and Jack are together and have been for a while. But the possibility or idea was more beautiful than the reality. Hard to label, not really hurt/comfort...just hurt. Hope your not turned off already! lol.
1. Chapter 1

The Color of a Lie

PLOT: Sam and Jack finally get together. But it isn't a fairytale ending. Drabble. Not for s/j shippers.

They were laying in the same bed but they may as well have been in different universes. Sam was reading, Jack was watching a rerun of the Simpsons. No talking was done, but on the bright side, no arguing was occurring either. Everyone had expected rainbows and fireworks to go off when they finally got together. And that's exactly what happened. For a month or so.

The dream of Sam and Jack was more beautiful than the reality. Fighting the odds is what they called it. It was so poetic. They planned on carrying out a long distance relationship, planned on fighting to stay together. Planned for so much with one exception, they hadn't expected or even imagined that they could hate each other.

To Sam, after Jack had felt that he had her bagged, he stopped trying. Stopped caring. He was cold and distant, and cruel. Whenever she was gone when he tried to visit, he threw accusations of unfaithfulness even though they had yet to be backed up. But unlike his false accusations, Sam had seen Jack's cheating heart multiple times. They had talked of being together in the same place. But he always found the most pitiful excuses.

'Sam you can't give up your career, it's far too promising.' Or 'Sam you would hate it here, I know I do.' Or his latest excuse and promise, 'Just hold on a little longer, you don't see these vultures wanting to destroy the SGC program. I'm needed here.'

Still she would ask him to give it up. If he really loved her, he would do anything to be with her. His reply was simple. 'I am here with you now, isn't that enough?'

At times she would trying to carry futile conversations. Mentioning normal things that came up on occasion with long term couples. Sam would mention marriage, kids or any future. Jack would say he wasn't ready. Too much baggage. Sam strongly accepted that fact and said she was ready to bear his baggage. Hiding behind false chivalry, he claimed he could not let her do that. He was too damaged.

So the topic was dropped. Just like everything else. Sighing she looked over at his face, usually creased with turmoil, was now etched with peace. How Sam couldn't understand. Jack O'Neill was his own special phenomenon, one she was coming to find, that she wasn't qualify to tackle. She thought back at times that were easier, simpler, more pleasant between them. And she realized all those times had been when they were on the same flag ship team.

Which is ironic in itself. The time which should have been more tense and difficult with things having been left unsaid, words of desire and love, proved to be the opposite. He finally noticed her. Finally took her in.

"What's wrong Sam?" The circle of Life had seem to intrude at the most inopportune moments. When they first met, Jack called her by her military rank. Then Carter, then and only in times of distress such as impending death or tragedy, Sam. And when they gave each other a try, it was Samantha. Sam had never relished the full feminine name before, until she heard it upon Jack's lips. And she thought it was a sign of their fate. A sign that they were meant to be. But she was wrong. Now, he had failed to call her Samantha for the longest time, he had reverted to Sam and in a manner of time she had little doubt it would be Carter.

"Nothing Jack. Nothing at all, I am just tired." Tired was the most inadequate but also the most telling word of how she felt. She was tired and sucked dry.

((Okay, so slightly longer than a drabble? But anyways, reviews are wonderful. Even if it's just to tell me how horrible a person I am for making such a strong anti S/J story….lol.))


	2. Chapter 2

The Color of a Lie Pt. 2

**I have to be almost in a bad mood for this story. So updates may be irregular. I have this crazy process where I need to listen to the most depressing and angsty music in order to feel the mood of the writing….only problem is that mood sticks with me after I'm finished for a little while. Is this a crazy way to write a story? Probably but, I think the outcome speaks for itself. LOL!**

The next day Jack had woken to an empty bed. Turning on the radio, he was wondering what he should do. He didn't want to lose Sam, but then again, he knew she deserved better. He tried to force himself to believe he could be a better person for her. And he was for a while. He couldn't really remember how they drifted apart or when.

Ironically enough, 'Tonight I wanna cry' played through the stereo. Sam had gone to work. Earlier than necessary. The feeling Jack was experiencing was so hard to deal with. Almost worst than being tortured. He tried to close himself off at first. Tried to think of happier times and get back to that place with Sam.

But happier times were those when they weren't together. Happier times were when they were innocently flirting. Everything was just jumbled and something had to happen. Be it good or bad, Jack just couldn't stand still any longer. Getting his jacket, he climbed in his truck and belted down the road for the SGC. For one last chance at something that was most likely already gone.

Almost running down the corridors, he ran into Daniel. "Sam, have you seen her?" His eyes were frantic and desperate. He could see pity and sorrow being shown in Daniel's eyes.

"She's in her lab. But…maybe it would be best to just give her some space for now. She's been through a lot lately." Daniel patted Jack on the shoulder and continued on his way to his office.

Jack ignored the warning foolishly. Reaching her door, he thoughtlessly opened her door with his key guard. Why he still had it was a mystery. Her had was fallen, supported barely by her arms and her back was concaved, heavy with strong emotion. Jack knew things were bleak between them, but recalling Daniel's advice earlier he couldn't see why she would be this distraught. It was Carter after all, the invincible, indestructible soldier.

She glanced up at him, not even attempting at hiding the tear filled eyes. He could see the tracks of tears that had already fallen. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a plane back to DC today."

He was taken aback by her directness and by her disappointment at his presence. "Oh. Well, I needed to see you first. What's going on Carter?"

He hadn't noticed he called her Carter. Sam had to refrain from laughing. Yes, they were at work, but they had fallen out of the practice of being so professional since they were dating.

"You seriously don't remember what happened do you? I was pregnant Jack. With your son."

Jack's face portrayed numerous emotions. Shock. Sorrow. And inexplicable anger. "What do you mean were?" His words were barely audible. He could feel his blood seem to boil. He didn't know why he was angry and couldn't work out who with. He couldn't believe he lost another son, the last one he would probably get the chance to have.

"I lost the baby. Dr. Lam said from a combination of things, mainly stress, and the naquadah in my blood made the pregnancy a fluke anyways. It was a miracle and you couldn't even take the time to remember? I…think it would be best for you to tell me whatever it was that's so important and for you to go back to Washington, Sir."

Now was his turn to cringe at the all too familiar salutation. "I've never been the kind to let my feelings show, and I thought that being strong meant never losing control. And I'm sorry for destroying what could have been. And I pray and hope that I haven't destroyed the best part of you, since I obviously don't know how to treat you. And I love you, I always will, but you deserve more, and as much as it hurts, the best thing I can do for you is to let you go."

Sam lifted up her head. She felt so drained, almost incapable of feeling anything anymore. She knew she wasn't happy with Jack anymore, but it was still nice to have the idea or the possibility of a man who cared for you. But being content, barely content, was a far cry from being happy.

"I don't know what to say Jack. What happens now?"

Thinking about it, Jack answers with complete remorse. "We get out now before we regret one another even more. Maybe somewhere down the line we could be friends again, maybe not."

Before leaving, Jack walks over to Sam. Seeking permission, he gathers her into one last hug and gently kisses her.

"Jack!" Sam called before he walked out the door.

He turned with a small, idiotic flare of hope filling his mind.

"Take care of yourself okay?"

"As long as there's cake nearby, I'll make it through." He smiled a rare, sad smile. "Take care of yourself too Samantha. And it's not too late for you to find true happiness." And with that he left the SGC and her life.

What the future held for both of them was highly uncertain. All that Sam knew was that there were highs and lows in life, and this was definitely one of the lowest lows. Time would only tell if there was that light at the end of the tunnel that people always talked about.

**Hum…okay. This is probably it for real. I don't see where I could go differently….ok that's a lie. But truth is, it would be a different story all together. And I might bring it back in a sequel at a later time. No promises lol. But review please. **


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